I spend days and days cleaning. It’s slow going through every drawer, file and shelf. Who knew I had so much in this small space I could let go of. A box for the thrift store, a bag for the recycling, a bag of paper to start my wood stove and a bag of trash go out.
I take down the curtains and take them in the house for washing. The horses stand at the fence in their winter fuzziness and watch me in the studio.
I start forming a plan in my mind. I want to do more sketches, but wait.
I reorganize the office, my clothes and the painting equipment.
The process goes on as my mind clears and I start to look forward. The clarity comes slowly at first and then stronger.
On the solstice day I wait until midnight.
I get the palo santo wood and slice off long slivers with my hunting knife. They fall into the turtle shell. I add sage, tobacco and sacred cedar. As I light the mixture the smoke curls upward. It smells wonderful. I take the crow feather and start smudging and saying a prayer. I walk around the studio directing the smoke.
I feel at peace.