Friday, May 14, 2010

How to Set Up a Computer in 47 Gut Retching Steps

My laptop has been on it's last legs so a while back I bought a rebuilt one from my computer fixin lady. For mothers day I got a new flat screen monitor. Yeah!!!.....kind of. (I still remember the VCR hook up nightmare)

  1. The Box                                                                                                                                            I try to get the monitor out of the box after piling up all the wires. I can't seem to budge it. After 15 minutes I find the little instruction pictures on the box and manage to wrestle it loose. It has nifty little picture on the monitor too. I try to sort out all the wires and discover the computer didn't come with a power cord. I call it quits. I need a glass of wine.
  2. The Wires                                                                                                                                          I make the trek into town and get a power cord for the box thing. I get the old keyboard my sis gave me that a dog chewed the wire in half and it's taped together with black electrical tape. I decide to put the computer on a shelf above my desk to keep it away from the dog hair and teeth. It's a black hole of a place and I use a flashlight to see what I am doing. I struggle and cuss and finally get it all hooked up. The keyboard cord is too short and I can't pull the desk drawer out to use it. I have to move it. I cuss some more. I move my printer and put it up on the shelf and move the computer down where the printer was. The flashlight comes out and so did the wine. I hook it all up again.
  3. The Wizard                                                                                                                                       I find the File and Setting Transfer Wizard to move all my stuff. I need another cord. I make another 20 mile trek into town and get one. I excitedly get home and get ready to do it. I go through the wizard following the instructions. I hook up the wire..... and nothing. I try several more times and it can't seem to communicate. I need a martini.
  4. The Files                                                                                                                                        The next day I call my computer fixin girl. She is not in but the guy there says use the flash drive. So I did. I get almost all the files moved and it starts lightning. I shut everything down and give up for the night thinking I need a shot of whiskey.
  5.  The Programs                                                                                                                                    I start putting in my programs. One after another. One for the wireless antenna, one for the printer,  camera ect. Most are a confusing struggle. I have to get my sis to help me get all the office programs on. I don't finish, it starts lightning and I call it quits. I need  a whole bottle by now.
  6. Keyboard                                                                                                                                         I get ready to move the rest of the files. I turn them both on. I unplug my one mouse from the laptop and try to plug it in the other on. It does not work. I try a few more times and realize I have some stray wire from??? I finally get the right one but then try to type and the keyboard is not working. I had moved the wires around too much and where a dog chewed the wire. I mess with the wires. Each time I touch them I hit the off button on the monitor. Sh*t. My blood pressure is going up. I find the power cord. I quit. Zoloft
  7. The Internet                                                                                                                             Entering day seven I cringe just thinking about the dam thing. I turn them both on to finish the *%$#@  files once again. I try the keyboard and miraculously it is working. ( I was fixin to get the hammer) The Internet works on the laptop but not the other. I try to fix it, nope. My Internet service is countrified and sporadic at best plus I am aways and in another building than where the router and such lives. I move the router and modem closer to me and plug it in a different phone jack. I get an awesomely strong signal, but can;t get online on either of the SOBs. I think it my service. It starts lightning.I need more tranquilizers.
  8. Day Eight                                                                                                                                          I move the freaking router and modem back to where they were and get Internet on the laptop but the other fades in and out. So does my attention span. I sit and drink and ponder how the hell one phone line will work and not the other. I remember the phone co/ Internet provider said they'd come someday. Maybe someday will come..... I'll call them AGAIN. I can't deal with the files. I need blood pressure meds. I dream of doctor shopping.
                                                       So this is  where I am now.

And my daughter told me entering the twentieth century was safe now cause it was over.

Wrong wrong wrong.

Harlequin Blues is available at Lancaster Art


  1. HI, très rapidement, car mon internet bug aujourd'hui... Je reviendrai lire votre page, seulement pour dire que je trouve cette peinture encore très jolie.

  2. Martine, Those computer problems are such a pain. I will be online more when I get my issues worked out. Glad you like the new painting.

  3. You poor thing! I hope the rest of the process goes better for you. If not, would you like me to check for an AA chapter near you? LOL

  4. Joni, The really bad part is I live in a dry county!
    The phone co is going to put a line in closer so this may solve alot of the internet problems I've had for so long. I can hope anyways.

  5. Diana bonsoir,
    Me revoilà! J'ai réussi aujourd'hui à lire... mais cependant mon problème n'est pas réglé, "Mozilla firefox" bug dès que je n'utilise plus mon clavier durant quelques minutes... C'est fou! et comme le petit pois qui navigue dans ma tête ne peut pas résoudre le problème, je crois que je vais faire appel à un professionnel la semaine prochaine...
    Bises et bon week-end.

  6. Good luck to you Martine. I'm thinking the professional help I'm gonna need is psychiatric. :)